Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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