my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
