you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
