Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
