dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
