I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
