Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
