How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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