They should really pass out barf bags in church
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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