What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
