I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
