Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
