yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
