I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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