you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
