Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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