Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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