I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
