Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
