Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
