remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
