Someone shit on the floor
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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