and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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