I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
