omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
