So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
is it fun? or sober?
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