Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Im part way to drunk.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
