I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
