So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
