After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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