I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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