I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
