He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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