could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
