I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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