member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
