I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
