i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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