I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My breasts were aching with rage.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
