If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
