You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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