I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
