I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
