her vagine was all disorganized.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
