I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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