your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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