yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
