listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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