i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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