Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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