You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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