i don't like sucking hair
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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