The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
