I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
